Last Refrain
by TFRiD Queen
Summary: Post-Asao's death: Even with a new title and new responsibilities, the fate of the world has never felt heavier. Add to that the challenges of maintaining a relationship, and sometimes it feels like nobody understands. Sio and Adam have reunited, but if they want to remain together, they must figure out the messiness of their own feelings first. Smut eventually.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Takes place shortly after Asao's death, and right when Sio is promoted to strategist.**

* * *

"Everyone present and accounted for? Good, we can begin." The holograms flickered to life, and suddenly it seemed as if everyone actually was present–even if in reality it was just her, Vidocq, Commander Iyo and Dogoo.

" _Magnifique_. Let's start with a report from all platoons on the eradication process in their assigned locations…"

Though she was now the head strategist and should theoretically be paying attention to all the details, Sio couldn't help but let her mind wander a bit while Vidocq systematically went down the line of platoon leaders–Nostradamus droning on as usual about the 'could-be's' or 'might be's' based on his prophetic vision, Babe Ruth interrupting every so often with what he actually saw on the field–her mind had all but glazed over even as Vidocq nodded studiously, until his voice cut through the drone.

 _"San Francisco should be all right now, even up into the delta. Though, I can't say for certainty how soon that'll change…"_ That voice…the same one who used to tease her, that berated her, and now was the one that would never fail to captivate her attention. Rough around the edges, but smooth and (she knew from personal experience) warm, the deep timbre sometimes a mask to hide his true vulnerabilities from the rest of the world.

"Well, that's better than nothing, Jack. Moving on–"

"W-Wait!" Her mouth moved before her brain once again, and this time everybody stopped and turned to stare at her, leaving the former sniper flushing with embarrassment once again.

"…Yes? Did you wish to add something, Nobunagun?" Vidocq raised an eyebrow curiously, but did not dissuade her.

"Ah–I, uh…just, you're all…all right?" She laughed nervously and hoped her blonde co-strategist would not scold her for wasting valuable meeting time for simply catching up with her platoon. "No injuries, I hope…?"

Even separated by a few hundred kilometers and a couple of timezones, he could still read her plain as the day. Or maybe it was only her who caught the slight quirk in his lips, the way his emerald twinkled just a touch at her question. _"Hmm? No, nothing major to report, Nobunagun. A couple of scratches, but that's par for course, at this stage."_

A wave of relief flooded her system, even though she had already read the reports–it just wasn't the same as hearing it in person; or rather, as close as they could get to in person. " _Yokatta_ …but seriously, be careful out there…" Forgetting for a brief second that he wasn't actually there but rather a hologram, her hand brushed out slightly, only to recoil in slight shock as it felt nothing but air.

 _"…Don't worry about us, Nobunagun. You just focus on tellin' us what to do, and we'll carry it out."_ Nobody seemed to have notice that movement except him, with the way he gently mimicked the motion back towards her fingers. A final wink, just the slightest bit before he motioned very slightly towards the Princess Geronimo, who had already launched into her status report without even waiting for the leader of the second to finish.

* * *

"Miss Nobunagun, I appreciate your concerns about your former teammates, but next time, _please_ do try and refrain from using meeting times for chitchat." It was a message that had become something of a routine now, she and Vidocq leaving the meeting room with him chastising her yet again on either some breach of protocol or other.

" _Hai_ …sorry; it's just, difficult…" She sighed despondently, and the blonde actually paused and sighed with her, for once. 'Former teammates'–even though she was the newest member of DOGOO, she had greatly enjoyed being part of the Second Platoon. And then to be taken away just when she thought they'd finally gotten settled and would be able to get back into the thick of things…

 _'…Well, technically I **am** still part of the Second Platoon…just, not all the time now…'_

To her surprise, Vidocq did not comment further on her countless faux pas. "…I know. All this, so quickly…it's not easy to adjust to. I've had years to get comfortable with my position, and now you are being thrust into it so quickly, after so many…hurdles," he cleared his throat, not wanting to bring up the death of Kaoru Asao yet again. "But, I must say you are doing quite well…just try and be a little better about remembering certain details, _oui_?"

Sio nodded, glad that the Frenchman was finally coming out of his ice-cold shell and acting more like a relatable human being ever since they started formally working together. "Th-thanks, Vidocq…I have to admit, I…wasn't expecting you to be so nice to me…"

At this, the blonde raised a thin eyebrow and Sio immediately smacked herself mentally. "Agh! Wait no, that's not what I–ah, dammit…I did it again…"

"…It's quite all right, _Mademoiselle_ Nobunagun. Truth be told, your words…are not false. I apologize if I caused you distress in the past." He bowed low, much to her remaining surprise, and then took his leave.

"Ah…Vidocq…" She heaved a sigh, making a note to write a personal letter to him apologizing for her rudeness, before shutting herself into her private quarters. It was larger than she used to have when she was but a mere holder, with slightly more fanciful furnishings, but none of that seemed to matter when it was only her. A larger bed was pointless when she slept in it by herself…

 _'Adam…I miss you a lot…'_ Sio had a feeling that Commander Iyo somehow knew of their relationship even before everything had happened, but she'd been tactful enough to not bring it up. Instead, it was only acknowledged through subtle gestures such as allowing her larger quarters to share with him and sending her to assist the Second Platoon when they needed backup. Yet still, it wasn't the same as when they were just teammates, simply soldiers who followed orders and carried out their tasks of exterminating the EIOs. The game nights with Newton and Gandhi, playing cards with Gaudi and everyone else aboard the Alex Logan, or else just simply chatting the night away in one of their rooms, him holding her warmly and nodding with an amused smile as she rambled on and on about all the different military vehicle she'd seen that day.

Now she was one of those 'top brass' whom she'd thought she'd never meet, much less calling most of the shots and actually being taken seriously. The respect was nice to be sure, but sometimes she'd trade anything to just go back to simpler times, when things weren't so complicated, before she had lost so much…

 _'…But you can't anymore, Sio. You know that. Just be grateful both of you are still alive…'_ Before her self-pitying could degrade any further however, a knock gently resounded throughout the room, followed by Saint-Germain announcing his presence.

"Yes? Come in, it's not locked." The interlocutor slipped in, looking as neat and formal as ever in his black coat and white gloves. "Do they need me for something else?"

"No, everything has been taken care of on that front." Pushing the glasses up slightly, he handed her a small memo, a short message penned with the fine elegance of the Commander's handwriting. "I am simply here to deliver a message."

Confused maroons blinked once, but accepted the message anyway as Saint-Germain showed himself out. "Message? Wonder what it's about…and why did it have to be delivered personally? She could've just paged me." Shrugging, her eyes fell across the neat script, squinting slightly to decipher the brush-like strokes that were indicative of the Commander's true age.

No more thoughts were to be had, both good and bad, as her eyes quickly scanned the message, before hastily tossing it onto her desk as she rushed to pack her essentials into the duffel.

* * *

"Jack! You sure you got the time correct?"

"Shut it Gandhi. Look, there's the heli now." A smug grin towards the Indian as the other simply shrugged in resignation, while the military chopper made its decent. The blades hadn't even stopped spinning yet before the side door opened, a small figure jumping down onto the landing pad with a bag in hand, running full speed towards him, not even caring that her hat had flown off from the gusty winds as she jumped perfectly into his arms.

" _Umph!_ That's quite a greeting there, Sio."

"Adam! S-Sorry…I-I just, I couldn't wait to see you, so…" Her face turned scarlet with embarrassment as Adam leaned down and kissed her very slightly on the forehead, despite the muffled giggles from the other two and being in full view of the ground crew. "A-Adam…"

"Well love, you were the one who decided to literally jump me," he teased, before retrieving her hat from the ground. "I'd say that evens things up?"

"You lovebirds are too sweet," Newton joked as they walked back into the shade of the _A. Logan_ , Sio bowing and waving to all the staff as they eagerly greeted her return. "What brings you here all of a sudden? Not that we mind of course–we've missed you!"

"Perhaps it's for a dirty weekend…" Gandhi winked at her, though Sio remained confused–only the other three seemed to have understood the joke, particularly the Ripper as he blushed furiously before attempting to elbow the other man in the stomach. "Oh come on Jack, don't be such an arse! I know you missed Sio-chan…"

"I'll say!" The blonde shook her head and pulled the younger girl aside. "He won't admit it, but he was quite depressed before you told us you'd be visiting. All moody and moping about during mealtimes…I was worried for a bit that he'd have a relapse of depression. You should've seen his face light up when we got your message." Though Newton's tone was light, Sio felt her stomach drop all of a sudden at the realization.

 _'Poor Adam…and here I was thinking I had it hard…'_ Biting her lips, she forced a smile when Gandhi suggested afternoon tea, something they hadn't indulged in for quite a while as a platoon.

The tea was a lively and welcome respite from their day-to-day activities; Gandhi and Newton filled her in with all the gossip and chatter she'd missed, including a very salacious(?) rumor about how two certain members of the First Platoon were seen together, and not just as teammates or friends. "I'm not sure what concerns me more, the fact that they might actually be serious or the age difference," Newton shuddered, before offering another helping of biscuits to the sniper.

"Still, I wish you'd come along with us more often, Sio. We miss our badass Nobunagun on the field," Gandhi winked, causing the girl to blush pink. "Seriously though, we're very proud of you. You've done so much in our war against the EIOs…even if it's…well, sad that you're no longer part of the Second Platoon permanently…you'll always be welcome here."

"Don't forget, we'll always be here for you, Sio-chan. No matter what."

"G-Gandhi…Newton…y, you guys…" Though she'd tried her best to remain calm, there was no hiding her feelings around her teammates–friends and the family she'd come to adopt ever since she became an e-gene holder. Sniffling, she gratefully accepted the tissue Adam handed her, before the entire platoon caved into a slightly-awkward hug. "Everyone…thank you…"

At the other two's instance the cleanup was left to them, with Newton practically shooing the two out of the lounge to 'go and spend some quality time' together, Gandhi making another lewd jab before being yanked back by the ear.

As soon as they rounded into a more private hallway he pulled her into a embrace, Sio eagerly burrowing into his arms before planting a chaste kiss on his cheek. "Oy now, I haven't seen you in weeks. I'm sure you can think of a better greeting than that," he teased and she flushed, before pulling him into a full kiss that was deep and warm. "There we go…that's my girl…"

"S-So…h, how are you doing…?" Even though she'd been looking forward to this spontaneous leave all morning, for some reason now that they were together again, it seemed as if all her nerves and insecurities were working their way up again. Newton's words about how Adam had been depressed due to her absence wormed its way into her heart, threatening to sink the joyous mood she'd just left teatime with.

"Myself? I've been all right…" The door slid open and Adam set her duffel onto the writing desk by the door, sinking into loveseat with a satisfied sigh. "I'm sure you've seen our reports…Tell comes out with us and we shoot things, Geronimo keeps insisting her kill-count is better than mine…"

She nodded, of course she'd gone through all the reports–especially his–at least a hundred times by now. "Yeah, I know…b-but, I mean, Adam…how are, _you_ …I want to know how Adam Muirhead is doing, not Jack the Ripper."

He sat in silence for a bit, before motioning with his hand and she quietly crawled into his lap, letting him cradle her head against his chest. "Mmm…how I've been, 'ey? Should be askin' you that…Vidocq better not be giving you a hard time…"

Sio shook her head slightly, letting her head rest against his chest and listening to his heartbeat, steady and soothing. "No…he's actually a lot better now. Dunno why…maybe it's because he finally sees me as an equal? Who knows…" Somehow, just being in his embrace made her feel more relaxed, feel safer and managed to soothe the sharp aches and pains that she'd constantly dealt with ever since they returned from San Francisco.

"Even with…" His voice trailed off, but she knew what he was hinting at. Asao's death…and all the changes that had taken place so quickly afterwards. The first time she'd gone through such an emotional upheaval, she'd tried to deal with it by pushing everyone away, even though that was when she'd actually needed them the most. And look at how well that had turned out: hair turning white, dissociation between personalities, animosity towards her teammates, and the dreaded runaway e-gene incident that nearly leveled an entire city they'd been trying to save and almost killed both of them in the process…

No, she was done trying to act the lone wolf. It was only through a miracle that they'd gotten a second chance, and Sio was not going to carelessly throw it away this time.

"I'm doing quite well, honestly! Galileo says there haven't been anymore abnormalities in my heart…and you've seen for yourself! My new gun is doing just fine…" She gave a nervous smile, but it quickly dissipated under his somber expression. "I-I mean, yeah, sure it's difficult trying to move from a soldier position to a more leadership role…and I keep forgetting all the formalities," she rolled her eyes, remembering Vidocq's nagging after each meeting. "But, the Commander and Dogoo, they've been really great…and all the council members, they value my opinion and insight, and you know, I sometimes still get to go down there with everyone else too so…so…"

"…Sio, please, just _tell me_ …" Adam seldom became overly emotional, even around her; the tone of longing that was present in his voice now sent a wave of yearning throughout her body, threatening to break that fragile mask she'd set upon her face for everyone else. "You don't have to entertain me with fluff; don't you trust me?"

She was a little taken aback at his words, moving back just slightly so she could look directly at his eyes. "…Of course I do, Adam. I trust you with my life. But if that's the case, then why don't you tell me first? You're the one who started off with fluff…even though you know I read all your reports at least twice…" she muttered, suddenly feeling a bit resentful. "If you want me to be honest with you…then why don't you start by being honest with me?"

It wasn't her intention to sound so snappish, but the second those words left her mouth she immediately regretted taking such a cold tone with him. Why the hell was this happening…shouldn't she be glad that they were seeing each other again after all this time? That, for all intents and purposes, their relationship was actually doing quite well, given all the circumstances. And yet there was this strange lump in her chest, of something that kept her from just acting all carefree and happy like any other teenage girl.

"…All right. Sorry, you're right; I'm being an arse again." He sighed heavily, before just leaning back against the couch, fingers absently rubbing her knuckles. "Physically speaking, I'm fine…but of course, it's not the same without you around. Not just out on the field, or…or hanging out with everyone else." Those fingers that had been gently stroking her hand stopped and intertwined with hers instead, as he laced their fingers together.

"…I miss you something awful at times. Lonely days, lonelier nights," those fingers gently slowly following the path between each digit as he rubbed her palm, "just lying there until sometimes I think I must be slowly going mad…"

"Oh, Adam…!" She didn't know what to say; what could she say, other than apologizing over and over again–which he hated, because the truth was there really wasn't anything either of them could do. "I…I miss you a lot too…especially at night; somehow, it's always worse at night, I don't know why…" Being held in his arms again after that separation, after being deprived of his love and warmth… Sio never thought she'd become so dependent on someone, and now she couldn't imagine living without him.

He gave her a pained look, no words necessary because he knew that she felt the same, as well. The worst was when Asao had died–Sio thought it hadn't been possible to cry so much, nor would she ever feel happiness again. Yet slowly but surely the pain did begin to recede, and sometimes she felt the only reason she was able to recover so quickly was because Adam had been there for her the entire time. No matter how late she returned or how many times she woke in tears and terror, he would unfailing hold her until sleep came again.

"…I'll ask the Commander, m-maybe I can spend more time here–I mean our communications technology is so good it shouldn't matter–"

"–No; it won't change anything." She stared back at him in surprise. "I'd rather you not going around and abusing your position just for the sake of personal feelings."

Though she knew Adam meant well, and was only looking out for her, somehow his response sparked that irritation again. "…Personal feelings? I–you were the one who said how awful it was, and I'm just trying to figure out a way to spend more time together–isn't that we we both want–"

"–I know! I know, all right?! " It wasn't the fist time they'd argued, but it was the first time he'd ever raised his voice at her in such a harsh manner; Sio instantly shrinking back, maroons wide with fear as Adam looked away in shame. "…Sorry. I'm really sorry, Sio–gods, I didn't mean to yell at you–I'm just so stressed about this whole–"

"–Well you know what, so am I. You think it's easy literally having the fate of an entire planet to deal with? To not see you or my friends, let alone my family–and still maintain a relationship? But you don't see me lashing out at you." The ice in her voice surprised even her, and for a second she wondered if it was Nobunagun who was creeping into her mind.

It certainly stunned Adam, who was sitting there looking as shocked as she'd ever seen him, Sio feeling an uncomfortable mix of righteous anger and guilt. She knew how hard it was for him…hell, the fact that Jess had mentioned his depressive mood was more than alarming for her, and yet couldn't they see how hard it was for her as well? Ever since she'd ascended her new role, she swore she'd never let the public see her tears or vulnerability; it wasn't that she didn't believe in them–on the contrary, as Oda Nobunaga had coached her, a leader had to understand and accept the fear of failure, of death, in order to be successful.

She just wasn't allowed to show them.

 _A true leader not only understands fear, but embraces it. After all, how can you proclaim to overcome something if you reject it? But remember carefully, Ogura-dono; a leader's role is to guide others, to act as their omnipotent savior. You are not so much a symbol as you are an ideal for the common peasant to strive for. And that, is why if you want your troops to be successful, you must not let them see your fears._

"…Sio, I'm–"

"–Forget it; if I'd known you'd be so sulky, I wouldn't have bothered coming." All the warmth and euphoria from their reunion earlier seemed to evaporate, replaced by a cold cruelty that wanted her to hurt. Wrenching herself free from his grasp, she didn't even give him a backwards glance as she headed for the door, Adam's pleas falling on deaf ears.

"…And if you didn't want to have such a stressful relationship, then maybe you shouldn't have fallen in love with me."

To leave him staring at her back, speechless and hurt as she stormed out of her room was not how Sio had planned this visit to go. But she was still human, still very much just a girl, and feelings were a fickle thing that no matter how good she'd gotten at controlling them in public, were something she could never hide from him in private. One tear, then two, and the next thing she knew she there were two streaks running down her face as she ran down the hall sobbing, unsure of where to go or what to do now. The last time she'd left him hurt and speechless was when her hair had just turned white; and even then that had been more of a cold shoulder, not the deliberate hate she was throwing at him.

"Sio-chan? Where's Adam–oh, Sio–!" She recognized the voice before she could place a person to it, but that generous bosom she was being pressed into was definitely familiar. "Sio! What's wrong love, did something happen?! I thought you two were spending some time together…"

"J-Jess…I-I, I…" There was nothing more left to say, nor did she have the strength left to explain it; one look at her friend's worried face and Sio broke down, sobbing and gasping for breath as the blonde patted her back in kind understanding, gently ushering them into her own quarters so they could have some privacy.

"Shh, there there Sio, it's not the end of the world; I'm sure you must think it is, but trust me when I say things will be all right." Taking off the girl's cap and mantle, she brought out two cups of tea for both of them, along with a box of tissues which Sio immediately took. "Just take a few deep breaths, and I'm sure whatever it is that's got you so wound up will be a little less painful."

"Th-thanks, Jess…I really appreciate it."

"Of course! Like I said earlier, we're always here for you, unconditionally." Smiling kindly, she patted the younger girl's arm. "Now, would you like to talk about it, or…?"

Sio nodded, maroons still swollen but at least the crying was reduced to just the occasional hiccup now. Sometimes she was so caught up in a world of just her and Adam, that it was easy to forget that there were many others who cared for her, as well.

"Y-Yeah…a-actually, I…I could really use your advice.."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Suggestive content, but no smut.**

* * *

The tea was soothing, even if her temper wasn't quelled; as the biscuits disappeared one by one (despite formal afternoon tea earlier), Sio regaled in great detail about everything that had been plaguing her since her return, and her relationship with Adam had not been spared any harsh words.

"And I just don't get him! Like, god, are all men just _that_ dense when it comes to feelings?!" She threw her hands into the air with frustration, nearly upsetting the teapot. "I swear, it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall sometimes; the moment I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere, he either shuts off completely, or else just says something stupid."

"Now now Sio, calm down," the blonde hastily maneuvered the cream and sugar out of the sniper's reach, should she accidentally knock those over as well. "While I do agree with you that men are complete morons when it comes to emotions, I think you're being a little too hard on the poor man…"

Sio raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. Jess winced at the callousness their normally-cheerful sniper was exhibiting, but she supposed it made sense; being a member of DOGOO was already stressful enough, nevermind her new role as a strategist and the loss of much of Oda Nobunaga's powers…then adding in all the stresses of a passionate, sometimes turbulently-so relationship…

"I know it's hard for you to see that right now, when you're all wound up and mad at everything in the world," the blonde calmly poured another cup for them, "but trust me when I say that you certainly aren't the only one who's suffering. Remember what I said about Adam being depressed?" A slight nod. "Yes; he misses you quite a bit; but, like any good leader, he can't let it show; when we're on the field of battle, he's Jack the Ripper, leader of Platoon 2–all those insecurities and doubts that he has as Adam Muirhead must remain hidden. And it does take its toll…"

Her heart gave a painful squeeze, but Sio willed her face to remain motionless. She knew logically that Adam was struggling to deal with their extended absences, just as she was…but that didn't mean he had to be an ass about it.

"I…I want to be happy with him. But I feel like, that's getting harder and harder now…" she whispered, absentmindedly scooting the scones around on her plate, suddenly not hungry anymore. "I don't know–sometimes I just feel so, snappish at him…like, doesn't he understand how stressful this is?! It'd be nice if he could show some appreciation for my efforts for us to be together once in a while, instead of just going 'oh I don't think you should go around abusing your powers'–"

Sio sighed and sank back into her seat, Jess giving her a pitying look. "…I wonder if this is payback for pushing him away, when my hair turned white…hah, well, I can't say it's undeserved. I was pretty cruel to him then, now that I think about it…"

"Sio! No, you can't think that–it's not like that at all," Jess rose from her seat in alarm, hurrying to the sniper's side. "Trust me, you can _not_ go down this path of thinking you're being punished or whatever you think you deserve–believe me, that isn't the reason at all." She shook her head sadly. "If anything, it'll destroy you both, like it almost did that time…and I know that's not what you two want."

"…No…"

"Think about it: being in DOGOO is hard enough to begin with. Add in the fact that we're e-gene holders to boot, and now that you're promoted, frankly I'm amazed none of us have gone completely insane." The older woman settled back into her seat across from Sio. "The point I'm trying to make is, life is already stressful and confusing enough on its own; add in all these factors, and arguments are inevitable. In fact, I'd say that arguments are actually proof that you two care about each other. It means you care enough about him to want and try to understand, to actually give a damn, instead of shrugging it off."

Sio nodded, hugging her knees to her chest. "You only hurt the ones you love the most…but I just wish it didn't have to be so painful…" Sighing, the sniper laid her head down on the table, feeling a headache coming on. "Well now what; everything's all awkward and weird and…bad between us again…"

"…I'm sorry dear, but a large part of being in a relationship means wading through those thick, murky struggles. Especially if they're painful. Otherwise, all those feelings and memories would be meaningless."

Sio turned those words around in her head. When she first developed a crush on Adam, she had no idea what she was getting herself into. All those shoujo manga and anime had always depicted romance as fun and carefree, with a completely understanding guy who would do anything for the heroine…too bad real life was a harsh slap in the face by comparison. And yet she could understand the truth behind those words, as well. For hadn't they bonded ever closer, her feelings deepened after each crisis they had overcome? A few months ago, she was still flustered about even visiting his room–and now it had become almost secondary, as ingrained into her life as breathing.

"…Beckham-san. Can I ask you something…personal?"

"Of course, dear."

The girl bit her lips nervously. She and the blonde has gotten a lot closer as time went by, the younger sniper viewing the woman as a sort of surrogate mom/older sister, but this was still pretty personal. Then again, her teammate had always emphasized the fact that she wanted to be there for Sio, so…

"Is…is this why you and Mahesh aren't…really together?" She waited for the inevitable scolding, the shock, but it didn't come. Instead, Jess looked at her with level eyes, deep in thought before she answered at last.

"…Well, I suppose that's part of it. Though, there are certainly other reasons as well… But, it wouldn't be a lie to say that, sometimes it is just easier to keep a more casual, looser connection instead of going all in like you and Adam are. Not that one's better than the other," Jess emphasized quickly, not wanting Sio to get the idea that she and Adam should downgrade to merely friends-with-benefits, "in fact, I actually envy the closeness and trust you share with Adam…"

"…I know I should be grateful, but somehow I just don't feel like it," Sio grumbled, curling up onto the seat. "God, I sound like a whiny teenager instead of a head strategist…"

"Uh, well, I hate to break it to you Sio, but you _are_ still a teenager," Jess responded dryly. "As someone who's already gone through it, I can tell you it's anything but glamorous. But like everything else, it'll work itself out. Trust me."

Apparently, the Japanese schoolgirl wunderkind was capable of transforming her own arm into a gun and saving the world, but she couldn't express her own feelings if her life depended on it. Such irony. Heaving another sigh, she emptied the rest of her tea, and then finally decided that she probably shouldn't have yet another biscuit.

"I should probably go find Adam soon…and apologize…"

* * *

"Ow– _fuck_ , that hurt…bloody hell…" Wincing, the pale-haired man withdrew his fist from the slightly-dented wall next to the door–not the first dent he'd made, but hopefully it would be the last. At least, for a long time yet… If Sio knew he was falling back into his self-harm habits…shaking his head, Adam cradled his bruised and battered hand, winding the bandages around with a practiced ease.

"Hmm…not sure the crew's going to appreciate yet another hole," a familiar voice drifted through the door as Adam snipped off the extra bandage, "though I suppose it's a lot better than it used to be–"

 _"–Get out."_

"My, I haven't even said anything and you're already like this?" Mahesh wholeheartedly ignored the death glares Adam was giving him and instead pulled up a chair, inviting himself into their leader's room. "So, what happened this time?"

"Th' fuck's that supposed to mean…" Adam growled under his breath. Even though he hadn't said anything, it didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on. Sio's visit had been highly anticipated all morning, and now the fact that he was here all alone, and punching the wall to boot, was a sure sign that something was desperately wrong. "Why don't you mind your own goddamn business for a change, Mirza?"

"I could, but I won't. You know how it is," Mahesh plopped into the seat across from the Ripper, cool and collected as ever. "Spill; you're about to blow a gasket, and if you think I'm just going to stand by idly this time and pretend I didn't see anything, think again."

"What d'you mean by 'this time'…"

Dark eyes narrowed a bit, before the Indian sighed and opened his mouth. "…When Sio first became…distressed, I had thought…that you two could work it out. That Jess and I shouldn't become involved, because it wasn't any of our business. But we were wrong…terribly wrong…and I don't want that to happen again, in any capacity."

Adam wanted to toss back some snarky response, complete with dripping venom, but he bit his tongue down for once. Mirza was right…he knew, despite hating being in the wrong, that his friend had hit a very vital point. That time, when Sio had thought Asao was lost to her forever…he'd tried then, tried to get her to open up, but after receiving the cold shoulder so many times in a row, had all but given up.

And everybody knew how well that had ended up.

"…It's not her. Or I guess I should say, not just her," he heaved a sigh and buried his face in his now-bandaged hands, suddenly exhausted from the trials of everything. "…I'm a bloody moron. Not that it's news or anything…since when have I ever been good enough for her…"

" _No_. That's where you're wrong, Adam." It was unusual for Mahesh to get agitated at just about anything, and even rarer for him to be actually angry. The force behind his tone made even Adam look up. "This isn't about who's more 'worthy' or any of that bullshit–the way I see it, you two were meant for each other. And that includes the fights, the arguments, the whole messy package. I've seen how happy she is whenever you two are together…and you're much less of an arse around her. You can't have one thing without the other, Adam."

 _Light and dark. Or two sides of the same coin_. He should know this concept by heart now, especially given the duality of his own e-gene. So why was it that, even after nearly killing her and being torn apart, he still hadn't quite learned his lesson?

"…Spare me the lecture, Mirza. I'm not exactly in the mood…"

"You're never in the mood. Or I should say, you might not be in this predicament if you would just _bloody talk about shit for once,_ instead of bottling it up like you always do." Mahesh shot back, no longer afraid to confront the Ripper. "I know you don't do emotions; hell, I'm probably the worst person to be lecturing you on this…but I can't just silently watch you two fall apart for a second time."

He was about to bite back with another acidic retort, but something inside held him back. Maybe it was Nightingale, maybe it was just his own subconscious. Or maybe it was because the Indian's words were finally starting to make somewhat of a crack in that steel-encased shell around his heart, that had been beaten and battered over the years until it became the nearly-impenetrable wall it was now. In any case, he knew Mirza was right; avoiding each other was not the answer.

"If I go talk t' her…will you please get the fuck _out_?"

"Such language Adam…but sure, why not. It's not like I have any choice–I can tell you're just looking for an excuse to plant one right in my face," the Indian retorted, but did get up from his seat. "But you'd better be serious about doing right by her; remember, I have a built-in bullshit detector, and I will use it," he warned, casting the silver-haired man one more serious glance, before taking his leave at last.

"Tch…wanker." Still, there weren't any other courses of action left; Sio's time left aboard the A. Logan was limited only to this weekend, and he'd already wasted more than a third of it by being a complete cunt for no other reason than this messy little thing called emotions. Ah hell, who was he kidding; Mirza had seen straight through everything the moment he'd come barging in. Before Sio, before DOGOO even–they were something that he'd mostly kept hidden away, only for his mother and maybe one or two close friends, and even then if the occasion was right.

Being an outsider his whole life had made him learn the hard way that emotions were a danger; a risk to compromise everything you did, and so sometimes it was simply easier to just hide them away, deep down where nobody could find it. You wouldn't feel much of course–but conversely, it would be harder for others to hurt you.

How was he supposed to have known that all it would take was a single girl and a chance meeting for that wall that he'd so meticulously built over the years to come crashing down?

 _Love. Courage. Fear. Vulnerability._ So many new feelings and emotions, all at once and never-ending–the moment Adam consciously realized he might actually have some sort of feelings for the new rookie, nothing was ever the same again. It was so overwhelming that there were times it felt like he was suffocating, crushed under just how intensely he was feeling them: the fear of rejection, the thrill of how she would always respond to his teasings or even the slight guilt he felt when he touched himself at night, his thoughts consumed with nothing but her as he writhed, wondering what her hands would feel like instead of his own.

But even his wildest imaginations could not have prepared him for what reality became; every joy and every pain magnified a hundred times over, until he wondered if there would ever be a time where he'd achieve some sort of equilibrium. The first period of absence after she'd recovered and was immediately sent off to the main base was more akin to torture; he'd felt like a drug addict going through withdrawal, searching for every trace of her in his room, however faint they were. Being sent into the field dulled the pain, but it was more the result of being too exhausted to think than actually filling the hole.

No, enough was enough. There was nothing more left to be gained by berating himself and punching walls–hadn't they come farther than that already? If he really cared about Sio, then he could swallow his pride for the time being and apologize.

His feet where moving in the direction of her room before he knew it.

* * *

"Man, why do I always say dumb shit like that…argh…" Mumbling to herself, the sniper dragged her feet slowly through the halls, a feeling of dread at the awkward confrontation that would no doubt take place, yet the guilt of not doing anything felt even worse. Jess had sent her off with a few words of encouragement, but it all seemed so far away now as she wandered the ship by herself. Somehow it all sounded so neat in her head: explain to him calmly that she just wanted to make more time for them, listen to his side of the story, and the two of them would work it out.

Too bad real life never turned out the way she would have liked.

In hindsight she shouldn't have been surprised, but that didn't stop her from letting out a yelp anyway as they collided around the corner, the sniper nearly falling over had it not been for Adam's quick reflexes, reaching out and catching her just in time.

"Ow–u-uh, Adam–!"

"Watch where you're–oh, Sio…"

"…Sorry, I should've been paying attention…"

A grunt. "…No, I'm…sorry…"

The two stared at the ground and their feet in an awkward silence. Why did this always happen to her? Was there just some inexplicable force up there that prevented her from experiencing one non-awkward moment in her life?

"S, Sorry…I, I-I didn't mean to be so… _bitchy_ earlier…I just–"

"–Let's not talk out here." And before she knew it, he was automatically steering her to his room, the door sealing itself as she stood stiffly to the side, unsure if she was even allowed to sit on his couch or bed or…whatever.

"…You can take a seat, you know," he muttered, gesturing slightly to the bed. "Or I don't know, stand if you want…"

That prickly feeling in her chest rose again, overtaking her guilt. Gods, men really did suck when it came to feelings. "Well, since you're offering…" And without a second thought, she plopped onto his neatly-made bed, eyes still not meeting his.

"…I'm sorry for being a bitch, okay?" The instant those words left her mouth Sio winced; that was _not_ how that phrase was supposed to sound when she'd composed it in her head.

Apparently, Adam felt similarly, judging by the way his head swung around, a rather irritated expression on his face. "Would you stop blaming yourself? I never said you were a bitch; if anything, your feelings are…justifiable."

Sio merely grunted in response, hugging her knees to her chest. "Yeah, w, well…I-I, I…" She what? Was desperately sorry? Wanted him to stop being mad at her? Didn't mean to hurt his feelings? The words and emotions were getting all mixed up inside her head, but she couldn't seem to find her voice.

"I-I…I just…"

"…What, Sio. Just say it, all right? I'm not a mindreader, despite my abilities…" Adam huffed impatiently, arms crossed as he leaned against the wall. "If there's anything you want to tell me, then now's the time."

"…Why are you being so mean?! God, you're horrible sometimes, you know?" So much for calm, diplomatic apologies; Adam's irritable attitude towards her was the straw that broke the camel's back, and instead of telling him how bad she'd felt, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

 _That_ certainly caught him off guard, perhaps even moreso than her sudden departure earlier. Eyes wide in shock, sputtering wordlessly as he searched for a response–if there even was one–before a queer sort of grimace stretched across his face, as if he was trying not to laugh but also angry at her.

"I–what–I can't even with you sometimes–"

"S, Stop making fun of me! I'm serious!" But the more she protested, the wider that strange grin was growing on her face, despite the fact that Sio was not at all amused. "A-Adaam…! You bastard…"

"Oy now, you're the one calling others names, squirt," he retorted, forcing the smile down. "Tch, you really are still a brat, promotions notwithstanding. Like throwing a wobbler; what are you, five?"

Normally such remarks would've just been brushed off with amused irritation, but Sio was already extremely hurt and on edge. She really was being serious when she'd accused him of being mean; was it so much for him to be calm and patient with her for once?

"I hate you Adam! I'm trying to be serious here, but if you're just going to, to make fun of me, then forget it!" Wiping her tears angrily, she threw the pillow in his face before attempting to storm out the door, but Adam grabbed her before she could leave. "Goddammit, let me _go–!_ "

 **"No."** The tone had switched again, from strangely amused to dead serious in the span of a few seconds, Sio freezing up in his grip. "…I'm the one who's sorry, Sio. I…I didn't mean to make light of your feelings."

She gave him the silent treatment for a few more minutes. Oh, so _now_ he was sorry? Yeah right; if he thought he could get away with it by being all nice and patient when it really mattered…

"…Sio. Please. I, I…" The grip shifted and she felt herself being wound tighter in his grasp, and even though usually she relished being held by him, this time it made her feel uneasy. "…I don't know how to act or even feel around you sometimes. You…you make me feel so many different things; I've never experienced them before. So I don't know…what to do sometimes. I…" He sighed into her hair, nuzzling it slightly. "Heh, now that I think about it, teasin' yeh 's probably a bad move on my part…but I can't help it; you're so serious all the time now, I…to see you act like how you were, even if a bit childish…it makes me glad. I'm happy to know that you haven't changed completely…from the girl I fell in love with…"

She stilled, taking in his words. Why was it that he was only ever sincere when pushed up against the wall like this… "…You know, you could've just said this from the start. When I asked you to be honest with me… _this_ , is what I mean. Telling me how you feel; because I, I…" Her voice wobbled again, but she willed herself not to cry. "I want to understand you more, too…you're important to me, Adam…maybe even the most important now…"

"I could say the same t' you…I've missed you all this time; perhaps it's selfish and wrong of me to admit it, but…I, was hoping you'd feel the same." Those arms tightened a bit more, the same time Sio's fingers grasped deeper against the fabric of his sleeves. "To know that you missed me as I much as I did you…because sometimes, I–," and he released his grip just as suddenly, his voice an oddly husky tone that, if Sio didn't know any better, sounded like he was about to cry.

"…Adam. What is it."

His brows were furrowed so deeply, it was as if he was suffering some internal torture. But a few seconds later he seemed to have composed himself, if only slightly.

"…Sometimes I'm afraid…that I'm the only one in love…"

It was so quiet that she might've missed it, but her sharp ears picked up every word. "Wha…what do you mean?" It wasn't as if she never had doubts about where this relationship might be headed–maybe it was just a fling, maybe they would move on after the war–but such thoughts were becoming less and less now, and slowly being replaced by the solidity that they would be together, no matter what ended up happening. "What…what are you talking about? A-Are you saying y-you…you, don't think I…love you?"

Adam looked like she'd just stabbed him straight in the heart, and perhaps she had; or at the very least, her words did. "No…or rather, not…exactly." Now it was his turn to look uncomfortable, as if regretting being open in the first place. "…There are times that I fear…that I love you too much…"

"…and you're afraid that I don't love you as much. That's it, isn't it?" Sio was strangely calm as she finished the sentence for him, Adam unable to respond with anything other than a slight nod. _"Sou ka."_

Slowly she walked over to him, and without another word, embraced him tightly around the waist, feeling the warmth from his body and breathing in his scent. "Then, I'll tell you; Adam, I love you. Maybe I haven't really said it enough…or, maybe even ever…but it's true." Her voice started cracking but Sio made no efforts control it. "You're the most important person to me…and honestly, I can't imagine being without you…so, I'm sorry…if I haven't been showing it as much as you have…but believe me, I–!"

Strong hands were cupping both sides of her face, Sio finding herself staring into two brilliantly green eyes that were on the verge of tears themselves. "I know; I believe you…because I love you." He touched their foreheads lightly together and she felt something wet trickle down her cheek. "But sometimes I think it's because I love you so much that…I doubt myself…"

Sio's heart felt heavy and tight; poor Adam, suffering from his own insecurities and fears. What right did she have to complain that her situation was worse? Yet it did frustrate her, that no matter how much she tried it didn't seem to do much to reassure him that truly, her dream was to live a life together with him, after all this.

"B-But…what do you want me to _do_?" She cried helplessly, frustrated at her inability to solve this problem. "I don't understand…how to help you; that's why I told you, I wanted to see you more…"

He was silent for so long that Sio wasn't sure if he was angry or still thinking; until she found herself being lifted all of a sudden and then put onto the bed, her mind too shocked at the sudden change in atmosphere until his lips were already hungrily consuming hers.

" _Mmrph?!_ A-Adam– _mmph_ –wh-what's going, on?!" She managed to hold him back for a few seconds, panting for breath as she stared into deeply-darkened emeralds.

"You asked what it is you can do…but for me, it's not a matter of what you should or shouldn't do; I just want to know, that I can _have_ you…that, I _need_ you," he whispered huskily, a tone of great urgency and longing in his words that Sio couldn't help but shiver.

"Y-Yeah okay, b-b-b-but, this, this is kinda, sudden…?" Talk about a complete 180; one moment they were engaged in a serious discussion at the nature of their relationship, and the next he was all over her like an animal in heat. "…Are you sure you're okay?"

"…I will be," There was another brush against the underside of neck and she squirmed, "that is, if you'll let me."

"I-I, b-but…" Sio wasn't sure how to respond; if she didn't know any better, she would've just accused him of being horny and wanting sex after not seeing her for so long, but his tone of voice and words told her otherwise.

 _'This isn't just some typical make-up sex or whatever…there's something going on inside of him…'_

Her internal thoughts were a mess; she wanted to find out what was troubling Adam, but she guiltily did want to spend some intimate time with him as well; just, not at the same time.

"L-Listen, Adam…I, I don't think this is a good idea…"

He stopped suddenly, breathing heavily against her neck but he was listening.

"I-I…look, I'm not gonna lie–I really want to spend some time with you too, especially since it's been so long…b-but, this is just too sudden–I mean, after all that and you–you're, acting a little strange…" Her maroons furrowed as she stroked his bangs. "I'm worried about you…"

"…I'm sorry." And then he pulled off, leaving her blinking and confused, lying on top of crumpled sheets as he buttoned up his shirt and straightened his collar and then slipped out the door, all without another word.

"…What the hell just happened here?"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Christ, it's been 2 YEARS since I updated this? That's a bit frightening...but truthfully I had a long, hard time deciding how to take this story. Halfway through writing this chapter, a lot of things started not sitting well with me, and many other themes started getting covered in my other fics...took me a while to figure out a way to reconcile everything into a workable chapter. Almost scrapped this story, but, I think I've managed to find a way to make everything work.**

 **Warning, NSFW content this chapter**

* * *

" _Ugh_ —fuck me...fuck... _fuck_ —" Hands trembling as his body started quivering, even with the searing guilt that sat in his chest it didn't change the fact that he was also painfully aroused. What the hell just happened back there...they were supposed to have talked things out, weren't they?

And then he had to go and open his mouth and say all the wrong things. Again. How could he convey to her that it was more than just spending time and doing all the little things that normal couples did-that was a large part of it for sure, but most frightening of all was this overwhelming _need_ to have her, the reassurance that she really did love him...constantly competing with this underlying fear...

Fear of it all being an illusion, the fear of losing her...and a fear of the darkness that was seeping more into his thoughts, threatening to turn this love into a full-blown obsession. It seemed to surface more lately, whenever he was tired and missing her this voice would whisper to him, whisper of all the terrible things he could do to her to make her his, fully his and nobody else could take her.

It was perverted and frightening; but the more he tried to stop, the more they seemed to gain hold. Even now, as Adam turned that trainwreck of a conversation over in his head his hands were stroking himself inside his trousers, his body frantically trying to relieve the tension even as his mind screamed to stop.

" _N-Nng_...n-no... _ugh_ Sio...n-no...damn it, why is it like this...!" Half his brain was focused on how to even make this up to Sio before the weekend ended, while the other half was greedily indulging itself in various fantasies involving the petite sniper, pushing for his hands to work faster and tighter as he started twitching uncontrollably. " _Uhnngg_ — _fu—ck Sio!_ "

Adam felt himself convulsing, hips thrusting erratically as he came, hot and sticky between his fingers as he gasped for breath, the surge of adrenaline from climaxing temporarily pushing out those convoluted thoughts; only the warm haze that clouded his mind was present, every sense muted and muffled. It wasn't until the door slid open and the casual chatter from the crew flooded in did he suddenly realize where he was: slumped in a corner of one of the shower stalls, heaving and sweaty with his hands still inside his trousers that were now stained with semen.

"Bloody hell..." His stomach turned in revulsion as he fully realized what he'd just done; namely, wanking himself off in a public-use shower, where someone could have come in at any time, all because he wasn't able to control his own urges. Hell, relieving himself should have been the last thing on his mind after that argument—so why the hell was he still lusting after her like some mindless beast?

"Oh—! Mr. Jack!" The two ensigns stared in shock as the e-gene holder shoved past them, hair and clothes a mess with a severe glower on his face.

"...Wonder what's eating him? Did he even shower?"

"Who knows; they have it tough these days, those holders."

* * *

He wasn't sure what to expect when he returned to his quarters, least of all her still in his room, curled into a lump on his bed and seemingly asleep. Quietly he crossed the room, debated in his mind for all of three seconds before he simply sat on the edge. the girl not stirring in the slightest even as he leaned over her, gently brushing her bangs out of her face. She seemed so small; especially with her petite frame, suddenly she looked so vulnerable and fragile, and the guilt ate away at him even more.

"...I'm sorry." He wasn't even sure whether or not she was awake, much less if she heard him, but it didn't matter. What mattered more was doing right by her—as Mirza had so rightly declared. And yet as his fingers felt the smoothness of her skin and the fine texture of her hair those murky thoughts crept forward, clouding his mind and whispering horrible things, urging him to just take her, right there and then.

 _'_ _No...what the hell?! She's asleep, for fuck's sake—'_

What better opportunity than now? She's completely defenseless, there's no way she could stop you, even if she wanted to...

He had to wrench himself away from the bed, to the edge of the window before the chatter quieted down. The thought of just forcing himself on her...it made him sick to his stomach but frighteningly enough, he could sense another instinct inching its way up, above his usual moralistic and ethical side. It felt more raw, primal; the urge to just lay claim to what was his in a painfully clear manner—no better than a beast, if he really thought about it. _She's yours, isn't she? Then what's so wrong about making it clear?_ Adam shook his head, willing those thoughts away. He should just leave, let her sleep off her anger or whatever—but even as he inched towards the door, he found himself standing in front of the bed again.

"Mnnn...uhn...h-huh?!" The sight to which Sio's eyes opened up to was not exactly one she was expecting: Adam hovering over her, eyeing her with a look that was somewhere between lust and shame. "A, Adam...?" He'd been rather...out of it earlier, during their argument—and from the looks of it, things weren't exactly back to normal just yet. "Are you okay?"

He said nothing still, only just continued to stare at her with that uncanny gaze, causing Sio to avert her eyes uneasily. Normally there was nothing to fear from the so-called "Ripper", she knew that despite his harshness on the field, inside he was gentle and vulnerable; yet this situation was making her increasingly on-edge, especially given the fact she wasn't in the best state of mind herself.

To be fair, she hadn't really thought things through when she curled up on his bed; originally it was just a way to hide herself from all the hurt, and then somehow she must've fallen asleep. If Adam wanted her out and his bed back, that was fine by her, but the way he was so insistently just lingering above her yet not saying a word...slowly, she attempted to ease herself out from underneath him, but before she could fully slip through, a hand shot out and grabbed her by the wrist, Sio gasping in shock as she was hauled quite firmly back onto the mattress.

"Agh! Adam, what are you doing?!" Eyes that were both scared and defiant stared back at him, but neither of them dared to look away. That feeling inside him...it was bubbling up, threatening to boil over the longer he stayed in this situation but still he didn't pull away...the sound of her breath, the heat from her skin...everything inside his head was spinning, a million emotions and thought processes telling him what he should do, shouldn't do, this or that and right and wrong... A solitary breath, and the voices became silent as he descended slowly, the girl beneath him too shocked to do much more than just lie there and stare as he breathed in her scent: warm, a bit of sweat, but beneath the usual trappings of clothing and stale dust from the ship was the scent of her-faintly musky, but with hints of a sweeter floral. His slacks suddenly seemed to grow tighter, a low rumble in his chest as he continued to brush his nose just above her skin, but not making contact. Soft, she was so soft and warm... why did she have to smell so good, as if unconsciously enticing him to come closer? Part of him wanted to resist, to get away from this dangerous feeling but it wasn't strong enough to overcome his urge, this hunger he had to fulfill right now—all he had to do was just sink his teeth in that flesh and she would be his—

—But no. No, he couldn't hurt her...that would be wrong, very bad. Especially with the way she was looking at him...angry, but most of all fearful; like he truly was the embodiment of that abomination, Jack the Ripper. No no, this wouldn't do at all...he had to be slower, gentler. Even though Adam was straining against his urges...it wasn't supposed to be like this, not like this at all.

"A...Adam? Seriously, are you okay?" He startled as a hand reached up, warm and smooth as it cupped his cheek. "What's wrong." It wasn't a question but a statement; the girl staring at him with a steadfast gaze, even from her position underneath him. "Is this...this is about earlier...isn't it."

Nothing could hide from that strategic mind—razor sharp, just like her ancestor's, able to keenly figure out a puzzle without any other words. Back then, his words didn't make a whole lot of sense—but a few key phrases, along with his odd behavior, started forming out that path in her mind.

There was fear; shame, guilt, but combined with lust and longing…a sense of urgency and need, wasn't that what he'd confessed? That he needed her? _'_ _A sense of fear…stemming from loss…'_ She knew that feeling all too well, even before all this had happened.

"You're…afraid of losing me, aren't you? Just like I lost Asao-san…ever since then, you're scared…" There was no response from the man above, but he also wasn't moving. So he was listening...even if he didn't show it. Swallowing nervously, she tried not to let her unease show. "I know that feeling...it's scary, isn't it? Not knowing what's going to happen...feeling like you're trapped in your own fears..." Slowly she rubbed his hand, hoping to calm him down from this agitated state. "You...don't have to worry so much, you know? Sure, things are still dangerous, but...I've proven that I can handle myself, don't you think? I-I mean, after all this time...don't you trust me to take care of myself, Adam?" She asked softly, staring back into those unblinking eyes.

"..." There was no answer, but she could tell he understood every word—the way his body shifted slightly, the change in his breathing—she wasn't sure if it was working, but at least something was happening besides this constant silence. He'd been quiet for so long that Sio was starting to feel slightly irritated. This weird, 'are-you-or-aren't-you upset at me' behavior was just baffling, and she was tired of his cryptic games.

"...Could you at least just answer me?! Seriously, you're creeping me out..."

"...Then let me have you."

His counter to her slight outburst startled her, as much as the change in his tone was. It was no longer harsh, but husky, trembling slightly as his position shifted over her.

"Uh...huh?" Was he seriously still thinking about _that_ , even after all this? Sio wasn't sure if she should laugh or be concerned. "W, wait a minute...are you actually insinuating...what I think you're insinuating?"

She squeaked as something hot brushed against her neck, and she definitely knew what he was thinking. "A-Adam—just hold on, what are you—why now? Look, I get that you're...a guy and all, but...how can you be in the mood at a time like this?"

"Because this isn't about 'being in the mood' or any of that...just, please...it's hard to explain," he murmured, restraining himself from just pouncing all over her. "If you want me to trust you...then, will you trust me?" He looked at her finally, with emeralds that were hazy but also sincere. "If I said that...to be close to you like this, physically...reassures me that you're here, would you believe me?"

"Ah..." How was it that he could always counter her with just a single sentence? This ability to sway her...Sio still didn't know if it was Adam's own skill or influence from his e-gene. "...All right. That feeling...I can understand." She nodded before relaxing a bit, signaling her consent.

His body immediately collapsed into hers, Sio letting out a bit of an 'oomph' as his warm weight covered her. "Ah— _mmmph_ —" Lips that were hungry against hers, his tongue stroking the edge but he wasn't shoving himself in her mouth, at least not yet. While Sio wasn't exactly aroused at the moment, if Adam needed to just feel her and be with her...then she didn't have to be. She didn't need to be satisfied if it meant that he could be reassured. Especially since it felt like he was mostly interested in just literally feeling her—his hands roamed all over her skin, pulling her shirt up and dipping into her slacks, but he didn't go straight for her usual weak spots—instead taking his time simply smoothing the skin, as if trying to absorb every bit of heat that was slowly emanating from her body.

" _M-Mmn..._ " Even though this wasn't about her pleasure per-say, Sio's body was still reacting to some extent. She was used to his touch, but this time he was deliberately taking his time, exploring every nook and cranny—including places that he normally wouldn't be interested in. A sigh escaped her lips, her limbs twitching slightly as his hands grazed her delicate collarbone, before unbuttoning her uniform. She froze for a bit, but she didn't want to disturb him from this...trance, he seemed to be in. Odd as it was, it was better than him wallowing in his own misery. Or so she tried to convince herself.

" _Oh_...Adam..." Despite the very literal movements and only touching her skin, Sio was heating up; her uniform was shed and kicked off the bed as she lay in only her underwear, Adam still fully dressed by comparison. He'd started using his lips sometime earlier, but still it was just ghosting over her skin, never going to the places he usually did. Her hesitation from earlier was starting to turn into a frustrating arousal, especially given the uncomfortable tightness that was starting to form between her legs. "H-Hey...is, is this enough? Adam..."

"No...just a little more, please...just let me touch you a little bit longer...I promise I won't do anything else." His tone was pleading, as if to say he knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't help himself; not until he'd had his fill of her presence. He was starting to heat up too, despite claiming earlier that this wasn't about sex or hormones; his body understood these actions, even if his mind didn't think of it the same. His trousers were getting tight, and everything else was sticking uncomfortably to his skin; but the only thing that mattered right now was the taste of her skin, smooth and slightly sweaty, and her musk as he continued exploring her stomach, the back of her thighs, even down to her ankles. Something about her presence...no, her very being...it simultaneously soothed yet ignited this hunger inside him.

"Ah...th, that's not, what I..." Her breath hitched as his tongue veered dangerously close to the line around her panties. "You don't, have to stop...I, look, if you're really feeling like this, then why don't we just...do it..." Sio's face burned with embarrassment and guilt, that in spite of all her protests earlier now she was the one who was turned on. The arousal was bordering on painful at this point, her frustration mounting as he only ever went to the edge, but never followed completely through. "Like...you know..."

"...Sorry." She wasn't sure what the apology was for; was he saying sorry that he'd put them in this situation, both aroused yet too wrought with guilt to really go through with it? Or was it something else? Sio decided to just let him do what he felt like; if nothing ended up happening then so be it, it wasn't like she couldn't take care of herself later.

 _'_ _I can't...I mustn't, do that...'_ When Sio had voiced her needs, Adam felt a throb of pleasure pulse through his lower regions, but something inside was preventing him from just throwing everything to the wind and shedding his clothes. Whether it was because there was no way this situation could lead to a satisfying climax, or because he needed to prove to himself that he still had some form of self-control left, in the end he couldn't comply to her wishes, despite everything. Even as her she started combing out his hair and disrobing him he still remained just on the surface. Smooth porcelain skin that was now dappled with her sweat...he kissed the indent of her belly, fingers groping the soft white flesh of her thighs before licking a trail behind her knees.

By this point Sio was contemplating if she should take the lead, or just remain on her back and see where this peculiar scenario was going. She managed to get most of his clothes off, but it didn't seem to make a difference in his actions; the only difference now was that the heat was even more intense, now that it was skin-on-skin. Shuddering, she grunted and wrapped an arm behind his neck, pulling him closer so that she could feel more of his heat. Regardless of whether or not he'd picked up her hint, it didn't change the fact that she could now directly feel his hands on her body, hands palming her firm breasts, tongue tracing patterns along the bare collarbone as she panted from the sensations. "Oh god...I can't take this anymore, just do it already...! Inside me, I want to feel you..." Who cared if the sex ended up being bad, at least climaxing would be more satisfying than this weird edging situation that was going on far longer than she could stand.

"...No, I can't...I'm sorry...I just want to touch you, that's all...I swear..." More, he needed more of her warmth...the ice around his chest was finally thawing, allowing him to feel human again. "I'm sorry I can't explain it...but your heat, that's all I really want...I need it..." Both of them were sweating and panting from the skinship, but he was relieved; relieved that her mere presence could keep the suffocating feelings at bay. Because she was warm, while he was cold, and the only way to prevent himself from freezing in the darkness was to hold her tightly against him, and hope some of her warmth would eventually reach his heart...

...

"Huh, so you really didn't do anything...I have to say, I'm pretty shocked." Adam awoke to the sound of her voice, eyes opening slowly as he groaned. Sio was sitting on the edge of the bed, not facing him as she slowly put her clothes back on. "Especially given the way you were acting earlier...and here I thought you just wanted make-up sex or something."

"No, that's not..." What had he been thinking anyway? Somehow his mind felt sluggish, and truthfully he didn't even remember when he'd (somehow?) passed out or what happened after, but judging from Sio's words and a quick check around himself, it really did seem like nothing happened. "What...I'm sorry, Sio, I didn't mean to..."

"You didn't mean to what? Snap at me? Scare the crap out of me and then force me onto the bed?" Her tone wasn't accusatory, but the evenness with which she said it was far more unnerving. "I don't know, Adam. I just...I don't know what's going on with us anymore, sometimes." Her hands hesitated just a touch while tying her tie, and he could detect the slight tremble in her voice as she willed herself to remain calm. "You know, I was hoping we'd be able to spend some time together with this visit, but after all that earlier, and now this..." She didn't say anymore, only finished putting on her jacket and then walked out the door, all with her back still towards him.

"...Maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore."

Adam could only stare helplessly as she left, the words unable to form in either his head or his mouth. How could it have come to this...why was it he could never express to her his own feelings, what it was he needed from her? All he wanted to tell her was this strange sense of insecurity and guilt, that ate away at him the longer he was alone, without her. And yet to admit he was so dependent on her presence...how could he confess such an shameful thing to her? Yet now here he was, alone and naked in a mess of sheets, the one important person in his life who was able to see him beyond the surface having just walked out casually as if this had been nothing more than a casual one-night stand.

Her last words continued to echo in his mind, causing a wave of panic to rise as he clumsily gathered up his clothes. _Breaking up_...while Adam admitted to thinking about it on occasion, reality was always different than imagination; and despite everything that had gone wrong today, he knew deep down it wasn't something either of them wanted.

At least, he hoped so...for if Sio really was unhappy with their current state, Adam wasn't sure he could survive such a parting. Cursing at himself all the while pulling his clothes back on, he rushed out the room after her. Damn him and his own inability to express his feelings...if only he'd listened to Mirza earlier, if only he wasn't such a stubborn moron, then maybe this could have been avoided...

But at least, he wasn't going to give her up without a fight.


End file.
